Publication Day Musings

Finally, this day, which has been so long awaited, has come. It feels a little like I am crossing over the threshold from an old life into a new one, and I thought it a good time to reflect.

True, this is not quite the publication day I have dreamed of. A big party with my family and friends present; a glass of champagne and a book-shaped cake to celebrate might be missing, but that doesn’t matter. My book sitting in the window of a bookshop; or on a table display in Waterstones is not going to happen anytime soon, but that doesn’t matter either. Nor does it matter that only the eBook and audio versions are currently available in the UK, at least until August. What actually matters is that I had a dream, I worked HARD and, despite knock back after knock back, I got there in the end. And that, to me, is what really matters. Whatever occurs from here will happen (or not) out of my control. My little book has flown out into the world, and is no longer mine.

Something weird seems to have happened to me during this lockdown period. I think had this COVID-19 pandemic not spread and my publication journey gone ahead as planned, I’d have been a bag of nerves right now. I’d have stressed about everything, the launch party, how the book would be received, would the sales figures be okay, would I ever get book two finished in time? Instead, the virus seems to have performed a re-set, a re-boot, if you like, on my psyche. Because I can now see how none of this stuff really matters. Even if I sell only ten copies (of course I hope I will sell a good deal more), I feel more than content, because the main thing is that I have written a book and I have published a book. 

For years and years, this writing, researching and re-writing was hard graft. It felt like such a pointless thing to be doing. I thought I would never ‘make it’ (whatever that meant) and I imagined everyone pitying me for trying and sniggering about my apparent failure to ever produce anything. I’m sure that wasn’t true, but our own perception of the world around us is a very powerful motivator, or de-motivator. I’m not sure what made me keep going back and trying to improve my work, but something kept me going, whether it was fear of failure or belief that somehow I would get there in the end, it fired me up every time I hit a wall or had a disappointment. 

I suppose what I hope to say here, is that sometimes we are so focussed on the thing we hope to achieve, the ultimate goal, ambition, success etc, that we forget to enjoy the process. The step by step daily tasks which may seem nothing but a drag at the time, but ultimately do lead to the end result. I suppose a good analogy is the athlete who trains every day, in unglamorous surroundings, on cold, dark, wet mornings. Without those mornings, the medals would never come. Indeed, the medals may never come, but that doesn’t mean the effort and the hard work is not worth doing in and of itself. It is that act of trying, of working and producing something worthwhile which ultimately matters the most, and we should try to seek satisfaction in that part of the process rather than in the end goal. 

So here I am, on my day of publication, enjoying the fact that I have achieved what I set out to do all those years ago. And I’m choosing not to worry about what happens next. Of course I really hope that my book will reach as many readers as possible, and that they enjoy it! I have already had the pleasure of receiving some messages from readers who have loved the book, and that is honestly the most wonderful part of being a published author. But I’m also enjoying working on my second novel. In not worrying about the deadline or if it is going to be good enough, I am able to remember just why I wanted to become a writer in the first place. For the pure joy I find in writing and creating. There is nothing I love doing more, and that in itself, is enough. 

Stay safe out there, and happy reading!

People Like Us is out in the UK in eBook and audio, 7th May and in hardback, 6th August. It will be out in paperback in February 2021

Daughter of the Reich is out in the USA and Canada in all formats: eBook, audio, hardback and paperback on 12th May.